Something Good

I'm so happy that I don't even know what to say here right now!!

I got the job! She called this morning and apologized for not returning my calls, and asked if I was still interested and I said, "Absolutely!" So she said she was making a "make offer," which I think means she chose me, and I accepted, so she had to let HR know so they can call me and set it up for me to do my paperwork and all that stuff. So I still have to hear from them, but she picked me so that's fantastic! I just hope everything goes through with HR!

No news on the diet front... I know I need to figure something out, and do something, but I don't know just what yet. I need to figure out what I was doing for those glorious 6 weeks when I maintained and didn't obsess, and get back to doing whatever it was. I'll figure it out, I mean I have my whole life to work on it so I'm never going to just give in and say, "Ok, I guess I'm just going to be fat." So, I need to figure something out. Been walking the dog every week night, though! We love our little walks, so I don't see that ending any time soon.

And still working on the film festival! Life is getting better by the day!

P.S. I just found out Scott passed his City Police Entrance Exam! He's one step closer to becoming a police officer!

Feel the Quiet River Rage

So... I've been feeling stuck lately. I want to change the direction of the blog, but don't really know where I want to go with it, hence why I haven't really posted in a while. I know a lot of people think I'm brave for being able to be so honest here, but to tell you the truth, there are things that go on in my head that I don't talk about on here. Things I don't talk about with anyone. Things my husband doesn't even know. And those things are getting to me. I'm feeling very lost, like I'm floating along in the world with no sense of direction or purpose. And I hate that. I'm a planner. I hate not having a plan or even being able to make one, because my life is so up in the air right now. Not having a job for 8 months is weighing on me more heavily every day. I called that lady at my dream company (sorry, don't want to announce who it is, I'm a little superstitious I guess) again today, and left another voicemail (this makes #4) and she didn't call me back. Again. I don't know what went wrong. I thought the interview went really well and that she liked me. And I still haven't gotten a letter or email saying I didn't get it, and their website still says they're considering me for the position. Could the whole hiring process just have gotten really held up somehow? I don't know. I hope that's all it is.

So anyway. I'm feeling a little down, and I just wanted to post an update saying what's going on in my life. As much as I'm willing to tell, at least. I'm not just sitting around doing nothing with myself, though. My sister is the festival director for the White Sands International Film Festival, and yesterday she called me to ask if I would be willing to volunteer some time to help her out with some stuff, and that's lifted my spirits a little, but I'm still feeling blah. Hopefully things will start looking up soon.

The Distance

Yesterday's Food:

• Slice of pizza with pepperoni and onions, half Greek salad with ranch dressing, and 2 packs Premium gold crackers at Dion's
• Limon Corn Nuts
• Large Imagine Whirled Peace ice cream in a waffle cone from Ben & Jerry's
• 1554 Enhanced Black Ale (12 oz.) and some more Limon Corn Nuts
• Another beer (12 oz.) and half a bratwurst on a bun
• Some Cheetos
• Another beer (12 oz.)
• 6 Joe Joe cookies with a glass of 2% milk

Going to Santa Fe with my mom for lunch today, to celebrate her birthday last week. We're going to a barbecue place that's supposed to be really good. Should be a fun day!

Sliver

I had some cheddar cheese crackers last night, while trying to stay awake waiting for Scott to get home from work at 2am.

Today's Food:

• Bowl of Kashi Heart to Heart cereal with 2% milk and 3 sliced strawberries
• Medium S'More Mocha coffee at Border's
• Chips and salsa at Monroe's
• Chicken burrito, refried beans, a little Spanish rice, and a sopapilla with honey at Monroe's
• Some vanilla ice cream with strawberries, walnuts and chocolate syrup
• Slice of banana bread with crunchy peanut butter
• Leftover slice of stuffed crust pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut (not mine, at a friend's house)
• Limon Corn Nuts

Today was a boring Saturday, so I'll just leave it with the food log.

Strawberry Fields Forever

Today's Food:

• Green monster smoothie (1 cup 2% milk, 1/2 cup water, frozen banana, scoop MET-Rx chocolate protein powder, handful spinach)
• About 1/4 cup (all that was left!) of TJ's Nutty American trek mix (almonds, cashews, raisins and chocolate chunks) and about 1/12 cup TJ's Simply Almonds, Cashews, and Cranberries trek mix
• Leftover roasted vegetable multi-grain lasagna, steamed broccoli with lemon juice, 4 pita bite crackers topped with a slice of asiago cheese, and the rest of the broken cracker pieces
• TJ's Gorgonzola gnocchi, steamed broccoli and lemon juice, and some roasted Gorgonzola crackers
• Whole grain bread with Nutella spread and a sliced banana
• Fage 0% with 3 sliced strawberries

So food was boring today... I ended up having more gnocchi for dinner tonight because I didn't really feel like coming up with something more creative, so I had what was left of that, the leftovers from the broccoli, and some crackers. I also had leftovers for lunch, so really, today was boring for food.

I left another voicemail today... and still nothing. But, I checked my application status on their website, and it still said "considering" as my status, and they took the listing down so I know their not still interviewing people, so I think I'm still in the running. And how many times can I say still in two sentences?? Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm believing that I'll hear on Monday.

And that's all for today! Yesterday was my mother's birthday, so we're going to eat at, you guessed it, Monroe's tomorrow. I'm actually starting to like the place, believe it or not, so I'm looking forward to it! I'll check y'all later.

P.S. The strawberries right now are gorgeous. You need to pick some up. Yum-O.

Brackish

Today's Food:

• Green monster smoothie (1 cup 2% milk, 1/2 cup water, frozen banana, scoop MET-Rx chocolate protein powder, handful spinach)
• About 1/3 cup TJ's Nutty American trek mix (Almonds, cashews, raisins and chocolate chunks)
• Leftover roasted vegetable multi-grain lasagna, a small spinach salad with balsamic vinaigrette, and 4 pita bite crackers topped with a slice of asiago cheese (and some broken cracker pieces)
• TJ's Gorgonzola gnocchi, steamed broccoli with lemon juice, and some vegetable crackers with hummus
• Fage 0% with some Kashi Heart to Heart cereal
• Slice of whole grain bread with almond butter and grape jelly

I don't have much to say today. Ate well, took the dog on a walk, blah blah. Still haven't heard anything about the job. I called and left a voicemail yesterday, and she didn't call me back today, so if I don't hear from her by 11 tomorrow morning, I'm going to call her again. I haven't gotten an email or letter, so I'm assuming I'm still in the running, considering every other time I've applied there and they didn't hire me, I got an email saying that they didn't choose me. I'll let y'all know if I hear anything!

That's all I've got tonight. Check y'all later.

One Step At A Time

Today's Food:

• Green monster smoothie (1 cup 2% milk, 1/2 cup water, frozen banana, scoop MET-Rx chocolate protein powder, handful spinach)
• BBQ sandwich, small serving of Ranch style beans, small serving of potato salad, and very small brownie at Scott's company picnic (not sure who catered)
• About 1/3 cup of TJ's Simply Almonds, Cashews & Cranberries trek mix
• Some TJ's cheddar cheese crackers
• TJ's roasted vegetable multi-grain lasagna, a small spinach salad with balsamic vinaigrette, and 4 pita bite crackers topped with a slice of asiago cheese (snuck a few broken cracker pieces also)
• Slice of whole grain bread with almond butter and raspberry preserves

I had some cheese crackers while I was waiting for my lasagna to cook... I couldn't help myself, I was too hungry! But I tried not to eat too many.

Today we went to Cliff's for Scott's company picnic. It was catered by some barbecue place, which was pretty good, but we made the mistake of riding some rides after we ate, and it was not good. I didn't throw up, but I sure wanted to.

I'm considering giving up the scale, as Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch suggest in Intuitive Eating (the book). I've been thinking about it for a couple days, but didn't really want to because I didn't want it to seem like a cop out, a way to just avoid seeing how much I weigh. But I read this today, and it just made me think about it some more. Some people do just great without weighing themselves, but would I? What it would it be like to not have to say "I gained/lost x amount of weight this week"? What would it be like not to have my little charts and graphs to look at, and not to update my side bar with my progress (or lack thereof) every week? And what would people think? Would they really think that I'm just trying to avoid facing up to how fat I am? I don't know. This will require some more consideration.