When I get stressed out, I just don't even want to deal with being on a diet. Or a lifestyle change. Or whatever you want to call it. This has been a very stressful week. And it's only Wednesday. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.
Why do I choose food to cope?
My mind is just so exhausted and spinning that I can't even put my thoughts together in a coherent blog entry.
I have been exhausted since February. Literally, for 6 months. I know it was in February, because the first week I noticed it was the week after my dad and I went to Alamogordo to visit my sister. That was Valentine's Day weekend, and I thought I was so tired that next week because I hadn't slept much on our trip. But the tiredness never went away. I thought it was depression, so I got on antidepressants. But the tiredness never went away. I'm so exhausted now that I can go to bed at 9 o'clock, wake up at 7:15, and still have trouble getting out of bed. It's starting to impact my life in bad ways, for instance it's always a struggle to be at work on time. My alarm goes off at 5:30 but I still usually manage to sleep until 7, when I open my eyes, see the time, and force myself to get out of bed. Then I'm exhausted all day long, and if I close my eyes for too long I can easily fall asleep at my desk. I've fallen asleep at lunch before, numerous times. I don't know why I'm so tired all the time, but I'm tired of it! I'm not anemic, my thyroid levels are fine. I just don't know why I'm so exhausted.
Sometimes, I just don't care.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Another Week Bites the Dust
Weigh In #6: 207.2. I gained 2.6 pounds this week, which is honestly less than I thought I would, so I'm happy with it. That's all I've got to say about that...
This morning I decided to go through some of my favorite work out music, figure out the BPM (beats per minute) (with an awesome app I found on my Android!) and create a couple different walking playlists. So I made an hour long one, a 40 minute one, and a 30 minute one. In case anyone is interested here are the songs I used for the hour one:
And now I'm going to go get my haircut, and then I'm going to take a walk.
This morning I decided to go through some of my favorite work out music, figure out the BPM (beats per minute) (with an awesome app I found on my Android!) and create a couple different walking playlists. So I made an hour long one, a 40 minute one, and a 30 minute one. In case anyone is interested here are the songs I used for the hour one:
1. Britney Spears - Gimme More (iTunes)So there's that. The other playlists I made are just shorter variations of this list. I know, I listen to a lot of Britney Spears. What can I say? That's just me.
2. Britney Spears - Radar (iTunes)
3. Britney Spears - Piece of Me (iTunes)
4. Britney Spears - Heaven On Earth (iTunes)
5. Britney Spears - Lace and Leather (iTunes)
6. Britney Spears - Freakshow (iTunes)
7. Britney Spears - Shattered Glass (iTunes)
8. Britney Spears - Womanizer (iTunes)
9. Britney Spears - Kill the Lights (iTunes)
10. Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy (iTunes)
11. Britney Spears - Amnesia
12. The Sounds - Queen of Apology (iTunes)
13. The Sounds - Tony the Beat (iTunes)
14. The Sounds - Ego (iTunes)
15. Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl (iTunes)
16. September - Satellites (iTunes)
17. The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go (iTunes)
18. CSS - Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex (iTunes)
And now I'm going to go get my haircut, and then I'm going to take a walk.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Disaster Strikes... Again.
This week's weigh in is going to be a total disaster. I can feel it. Want to know why? It's because I have been cheating the last 2 days... and today hasn't been much better. I was doing so well, I had gotten a lot of exercise in to make up for the Chinese buffet debacle on Monday, I had broken even with my weekly points and my activity points... and then it all fell apart Wednesday night. What is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? I don't know. I've got to figure it out. I called my doctor earlier this week for a referral to a psychiatrist, so I'll see what she comes up with for me, and I'll see what that doctor has to say. I've got to figure out why I do this to myself every.single.time. And it doesn't matter what it is. Diets, I do so well for several weeks or months, and then I just give up because I "don't feel like it anymore." School, I'm so gung-ho the first semester and I do so well, but by the next semester, I give up halfway through. I have no patience, I can't control my impulses at times, I can't focus a lot of the time... And hopefully seeing a psychiatrist will help me figure out what I need to do to get all that straightened out.
When I was little, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I was on Ritalin until I started high school and quit taking my meds because it was embarrassing. But it's beginning to be more embarrassing not to feel in control of my own life. So maybe treatment with medication is what I need again. My mom told me that back when I was on meds, it was the most focused I'd ever been and I was doing the best that I'd ever done. And I want that back. So we'll see. I'll let y'all know how it goes.
When I was little, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I was on Ritalin until I started high school and quit taking my meds because it was embarrassing. But it's beginning to be more embarrassing not to feel in control of my own life. So maybe treatment with medication is what I need again. My mom told me that back when I was on meds, it was the most focused I'd ever been and I was doing the best that I'd ever done. And I want that back. So we'll see. I'll let y'all know how it goes.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Breaking Even
Yesterday after work, I went to the fitness room at my apartment complex and walked 4 miles in an hour and 15 minutes on the treadmill. I earned 5 activity points which, along with the other 10 activity points I had earned over the weekend, makes up for the overage I incurred on Monday. Yay for me! And I plan to earn more activity points for the rest of the week, so that'll put me back at a positive balance of points left for the week. I like to have a little bit of a cushion at the end of the week.
Rumor has it there's a drug rep bringing lunch today... I brought my lunch with me but I think I'm going to look at what they bring and decide if I can work it into my points before I decide for sure what I'm going to eat. I want to do this plan, but I want to have some flexibility too, so I don't feel like I'm so restricted and can't enjoy a free catered lunch when I get the opportunity. Last week a rep brought lunch from a restaurant called the Black Olive, and I ended up eating about 20 points, but I had a very light dinner to make up for it, and it's all about the balance.
I've been thinking a lot about my "strategy" lately. When I first started Weight Watchers back in 2005, I was just about the points, I ate a ton of processed foods, as long as they were in my points range I didn't care, and I lost weight. Then after a while, I started becoming more aware of healthy foods, and I stopped focusing on points and more on eating whole foods... which was good. But right now I feel like I need to just focus on points and losing weight and getting back to a place where I feel ready to focus more on whole foods. I'm not eating completely processed crap like I was the first time I joined Weight Watchers, but I will have a snack of 2 point chips here and there, and I do put Slim Fast powder in my smoothie for breakfast... those kinds of things.
Most importantly I need to figure out why I feel the need to overeat when I do. I mean I can lose weight when I put my mind to it, but then I have those moments when I "just don't feel like it" and I need to figure out why that happens. So that's the most important thing right now, and once I get that figured out, I think the rest will come much easier.
Rumor has it there's a drug rep bringing lunch today... I brought my lunch with me but I think I'm going to look at what they bring and decide if I can work it into my points before I decide for sure what I'm going to eat. I want to do this plan, but I want to have some flexibility too, so I don't feel like I'm so restricted and can't enjoy a free catered lunch when I get the opportunity. Last week a rep brought lunch from a restaurant called the Black Olive, and I ended up eating about 20 points, but I had a very light dinner to make up for it, and it's all about the balance.
I've been thinking a lot about my "strategy" lately. When I first started Weight Watchers back in 2005, I was just about the points, I ate a ton of processed foods, as long as they were in my points range I didn't care, and I lost weight. Then after a while, I started becoming more aware of healthy foods, and I stopped focusing on points and more on eating whole foods... which was good. But right now I feel like I need to just focus on points and losing weight and getting back to a place where I feel ready to focus more on whole foods. I'm not eating completely processed crap like I was the first time I joined Weight Watchers, but I will have a snack of 2 point chips here and there, and I do put Slim Fast powder in my smoothie for breakfast... those kinds of things.
Most importantly I need to figure out why I feel the need to overeat when I do. I mean I can lose weight when I put my mind to it, but then I have those moments when I "just don't feel like it" and I need to figure out why that happens. So that's the most important thing right now, and once I get that figured out, I think the rest will come much easier.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Oh What a Day
Last night, the boyfriend had a friend in town, so we went to a Chinese buffet. I had every intention of eating as healthily as I could, but when I got home from work, I just "didn't feel like it" so I ate some Oreos and milk. And some honey sesame sticks. And when we got to the restaurant and I was filling my first plate, I decided not to worry about the points. Of course, after I had eaten that and gotten a second plate, I decided to track after all, and only ate about a third of what was on my second plate as a result. I ended up eating about 21 points at the restaurant, when I could have done with about 11 and still gotten what I really wanted. And if I hadn't snacked so crazily when I got home from work, my numbers would have looked really good. Oh well. Live and learn. Next time I go to a Chinese buffet, I'll stick to my plan. And this week can still be salvaged if I make sure to get my activity points in the rest of the week. Which I need to be working on anyway. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet.
Oh, and note to self: Don't buy foods that you know will trigger a binge and tell yourself, "Oh, I can stop with just 1 serving." Just don't do it.
Oh, and note to self: Don't buy foods that you know will trigger a binge and tell yourself, "Oh, I can stop with just 1 serving." Just don't do it.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Success!
Weigh In #5: 204.6!! I lose 6.8 pounds this week! I'm so proud of myself; this once again proves that hard work pays off!
Yesterday I was out all day with my cousin and her friend who are in town for the weekend, so I didn't get to post. We woke up really early in the morning (read: 7:30 am on a frickin' Saturday) and went walking around the Academy, and we made it the whole 3.5 miles in an hour! It was awesome, and I earned 4 activity points for it. Then we went back to my apartment and went swimming, and my cousin showed me how to do some water aerobics, which I also really liked. So I had a really good time hanging out with my cousin yesterday. Then the boyfriend and I went to church, and afterwards we met up with my cousin and her friend again for sushi! And it was good! I was shocked. I tried a rainbow roll, a dragon roll, and a Philadelphia roll. The boyfriend and I also got an order of teriyaki chicken to split just in case I didn't like the sushi, so I had a little bit of that too. All in all, dinner was about 11 points, which I don't think is really that bad!
Today I've got breakfast planned with the cousin and her friend (and the rest of the crazy family) and then I'm going home to take a long nap! And then of course errands. Groceries, essentials, and WALKING!! Hope you all have a great week coming up!
Yesterday I was out all day with my cousin and her friend who are in town for the weekend, so I didn't get to post. We woke up really early in the morning (read: 7:30 am on a frickin' Saturday) and went walking around the Academy, and we made it the whole 3.5 miles in an hour! It was awesome, and I earned 4 activity points for it. Then we went back to my apartment and went swimming, and my cousin showed me how to do some water aerobics, which I also really liked. So I had a really good time hanging out with my cousin yesterday. Then the boyfriend and I went to church, and afterwards we met up with my cousin and her friend again for sushi! And it was good! I was shocked. I tried a rainbow roll, a dragon roll, and a Philadelphia roll. The boyfriend and I also got an order of teriyaki chicken to split just in case I didn't like the sushi, so I had a little bit of that too. All in all, dinner was about 11 points, which I don't think is really that bad!
Today I've got breakfast planned with the cousin and her friend (and the rest of the crazy family) and then I'm going home to take a long nap! And then of course errands. Groceries, essentials, and WALKING!! Hope you all have a great week coming up!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Mini Landslide. 5.4 Pounds Worth.
So. Weigh in #4: 211.4. I gained 5.4 lbs this week. Do you think the fact that I went over my weekly points by 224.5 could have anything to do with it? Yeah, I ate a total of 451.5 points this week. Week before that I ate 216, if that gives you any idea of the disaster I made of this week.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I stuff myself with more calories than any person could possibly need, and 7 days in a row?
I guess there's no way I'm going to be under 200 for my doctor's appointment on September 7. But I can't beat myself up over it.
I just have to come up with a strategy for this week. Which is: eat as healthfully as possible, and get as much activity in as possible. That's the plan.
Speaking of which, I've got to go get ready to walk around the Academy with a friend from church. Thinking this will earn me about 5 activity points; it's about 4 miles if I remember correctly. I'll talk at y'all later. Hope you all have a great weekend!
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I stuff myself with more calories than any person could possibly need, and 7 days in a row?
I guess there's no way I'm going to be under 200 for my doctor's appointment on September 7. But I can't beat myself up over it.
I just have to come up with a strategy for this week. Which is: eat as healthfully as possible, and get as much activity in as possible. That's the plan.
Speaking of which, I've got to go get ready to walk around the Academy with a friend from church. Thinking this will earn me about 5 activity points; it's about 4 miles if I remember correctly. I'll talk at y'all later. Hope you all have a great weekend!
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