Damage Control. Yeah, Again.

I'm a fat miserable cow.

Damage control.

School starts next week. It's a fresh start. Time to get serious about this thing again. I don't even know why I'm doing this to myself. It only makes me feel like crap. At least I got down to a healthy weight before I started feeling like this. If I still had like 20 pounds to go, I would feel even more miserable and be even more inclined to give up. But I'm not giving up. Even if this whole week ends up being horrible and I end up gaining a few pounds... It will be ok, because I can get back on track and lose them again. I've done this for nearly 9 months, I've lost over 50 pounds, there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to get back on track again!

I feel like I'm letting everyone down when I do this. Like somewhere in the back of all of your minds was the thought, "Yeah, she's doing great now, but she'll stall out at some point. She always does. And then she'll give up." I know that thought was there because I had it too. I do always stall out, and then give up. I guess the key is to not let the stall make me want to give up. So I haven't been trying as hard, so I've been slipping. I haven't completely lost it. I do have a plan.

Starting TODAY, not next week, I'm back to the me who started this thing in November. Healthy eating 6 days a week, and a "Cheat Day" on Saturdays, but a healthy Cheat Day like I used to do. No more free for all just because it's Saturday. I'm supposed to be forming life long habits, and that doesn't happen by eating great all week and then diving face first into every snack I see on Saturdays. And Sundays, as it's been for the past 6 weeks. No, I've got to get back to where I was.

I'm sorry if nobody wants to read about my struggles, but that's what's been going on. I personally hate blogs where the writers whine every single entry about how they tried but they just can't do it, so I don't want to be that kind of blog. But the truth is I have been having a hard time lately, and I'm not entirely sure why. The anxiety I wrote about before has gone, but now I'm starting to worry about getting fat again. I guess I need to keep that thought at the forefront of my mind so that it doesn't happen.

Ok, I think that's about all the drivel I've got for the day. Thanks for reading.

UPDATE 8/20/08 11:19 AM: My birth mother, Carol, who has also been doing the "lifestyle change" thing (and who is doing fantastic, I might add!), suggests thinking of it as a "Treat Day" instead of a "Cheat Day," because it helps you to get out of the mindset of, "I'm cheating today, so I can eat everything in sight," and think of it more like, "Today, I can have a treat or two." I think I'm going to take that approach, instead of the approach I had been taking.