Floating Along

Well guys, I was completely on track yesterday, and it didn't really feel like a struggle at all! I think I might actually be getting back into the swing of things!

Other than that, not too much going on. Busy with school. I hope we're getting our accounting test back today, because I really want to see how I did. And I know we're getting our microecon test back today, I hope I did as well as I think I did. And we have our first history test on Friday. That one is going to be tough, because there is so much information to study, after 6 weeks of notes. I have a study guide though, so hopefully I'll do ok.

I think that's about all I've got today. Time to get ready! Oh, and I'm still getting caught up on blogs, but I'm pretty much caught up on most of them.

P.S. Can you believe it's almost October?!

Monday Monday (Bah Dah)

So I think I did pretty good this weekend. Yesterday I had:

1. a bowl of cereal
2. some roasted salted sunflower seeds
3. a Kashi TLC Honey Almond Flax granola bar
4. a slice of Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza
5. a half of a Greek salad with ranch dressing
6. a grab bag of Cheetos (not those tiny little ones, the next size up, like you can get at the gas station)
7. 2 Dr. Peppers
8. 2 of those little packs of Club crackers
9. some more sunflower seeds
10. another piece of my sister's pumpkin cake

Probably way too much salt than I should have had, but all in all, not too bad I think. I didn't get everything on my to do list done, so I think I'll be busy again this week. Hope y'all have a good Monday!

Mid-Weekend Update

Hey all, yesterday was the baby shower we threw for my sister, and we had a barbecue-type thing. I didn't take pictures, but I remember everything I ate:

1. a bowl of cereal for breakfast
2. a couple handfuls of Halloween M&M's
3. a couple handfuls of salted roasted peanuts
4. a handful or two of corn tortilla chips
5. a handful or two of Tostitos multigrain tortilla chips
6. a taste or two of green chile chip dip (not much, because I'm not a big fan of green chile)
7. a cheeseburger with miracle whip, a slice of American cheese, mustard and ketchup
8. a couple bites of macaroni salad that ended up being too sweet
9. a couple bites of potato salad that was too sweet and had a weird texture
10. a moderately sized portion of fruit salad, which had strawberries, cantaloupe, and walnuts in it (my dad was upset because he forgot to put honey in it, but the fruit itself was sweet enough)
11. a small slice of apple pie with a crumble topping that my brother-in-law made from SCRATCH (so impressive, although he says "I just followed the recipe")
12. a small piece of pumpkin raisin cake with cream cheese frosting that my sister made from SCRATCH (again, saying she just followed the recipe)
13. later in the night, my sister and I had a turkey hot dog with mustard and ketchup
14. a handful of multigrain tortilla chips with the hot dog
15. some sunflower seeds when I got home
16. a Dr. Pepper
17. 2 or 3 chocolate donut holes, which I think I'm going to throw out because they are getting dry

And now I'm off to watch church services live from the Calvary of Albuquerque website.

Weigh In Day... Woo Hoo!

Miracle of miracles, I lost 2 pounds this week! Don't know how, but I am so happy! I even stepped on the scale a couple times just to make sure!

No video this week, my sister is in town so I'm going to visit her. Have a good week everyone! Oh, and progress pictures are updated!

11-25-07: 190
12-2-07: 185.5
12-9-07: 182
12-16-07: 180
12-23-07: 179.5
12-30-07: 178.5
1-6-08: 174
1-13-08: 176.5
1-20-08: 173.5
1-27-08: 176
2-3-08: 175
2-10-08: 172.5
2-17-08: 170
2-24-08: 169
3-2-08: 166
3-9-08: 164.5
3-16-08: 163
3-23-08: 162
3-30-08: 159.5
4-6-08: 158
4-13-08: 156.5
4-20-08: 156
4-27-08: 153.5
5-3-08: 154.5
5-10-08: 151
5-17-08: 150.5
5-24-08: 150
5-31-08: 148
6-7-08: 146
6-14-08: 144.5
6-21-08: 143
6-28-08: 141.5
7-4-08: 140
7-12-08: 140
7-19-08: 139
7-26-08: 139
8-2-08: 138.5
8-9-08: 139.5
8-16-08: 139
8-23-08: 141
8-30-08: 137.5
9-6-08: 136
9-13-08: 137
9-20-08: 141
9-27-08: 139

MOO.

So I ate everything I planned on yesterday, and then I ate some chips, and some chocolate donut holes that Scott had. I really should not let him even have junk food in the house, because he'll eat, like, one chip, or one donut hole, and then he just lets the rest of them sit there until they go bad, and I just want to eat them.

I can't blame it on him though. This is a daily battle and sometimes I lose. Yeah, I've been losing a lot lately (and not in a good way), but I'll get it figured out. I know I will.

Sorry that I haven't been very inspiring lately, but I'm still working on it!

School Update

Grades I've gotten back so far:

History 161 - A on first paper (94.7%)
Econ 105 (macro) - A on first test (94%)
Stat 145 - B on first test (87.5%, top 20% of scores)
CS 150 (computer science) - A on first test (100%)

Econ 106 (micro) test was on Tuesday, will probably get the grade back next week, but maybe today, who knows, Mgmt 202 (accounting) test is today, I feel good about it, and first history test is next Friday (October 3). So far, so good, and we're 5 weeks in! Only 11 weeks to go!

Food has been good. That's all! :)

Not Too Much to Report

Ok, I think I've got everything under control now. I did great with my food yesterday, and I think taking my yogurt to work with me made a huge difference. I tried to exercise last night, but I only lasted 10 minutes, probably because it's been so long. I'll keep working on it. I'd really like to be at goal by the end of the semester (December 20 is the last day of the semester, if I lose a pound a week between now and then I'll be at goal by December 6), but I don't like to give myself deadlines. I guess whatever happens happens. That's about all for today, folks.

Back To It

I had planned a completely different post for yesterday, but situations arose and plans changed. I was going to talk about how I wished I had gotten back on plan on Sunday, but I didn't, and I got back on plan on Monday instead. The reason I didn't get back on plan on Sunday was because it's hard to do sometimes when Scott is off. See, he works graveyard, so we barely get to see each other. Scott is off Sundays and Mondays, so on Tuesdays, I get home from work at 6:30 pm, and he leaves for work at 7:00 pm. Wednesdays we don't even get to see each other because I have that class after work and I don't get home until 8:30 pm, and then Thursday and Friday I get home at 6:30 pm, and he leaves at 7:00 pm, once again. Saturdays we don't get to see each other, because I take the dog to my parents', which is 15 miles from my house, so once I'm there, I'm there for the day. Scott is off Sunday and Monday, so Sunday is our only day to spend the whole day together, and there's something about sharing a meal with someone. Scott doesn't like the food I make, so it's usually something pretty unhealthy when we decide to eat together. Sometimes we don't, and those are the days I usually eat pretty healthy, but sometimes I eat what he eats, which is what we did this week. It's ok though, because even 5 days on track is great. I can deal with that.

Now, back to yesterday's post, specifically the part about exercise. After reading those articles, and after taking 4 weeks off from all exercise other than walking to my classes, I decided I want to try to find time to exercise. I obviously can't on Wednesdays because I get home at 8:30 and have to eat dinner and take a shower, all before going to bed at 10:30 so I can get up at 6:30 the next morning. But I'm going to see if I can walk on the treadmill on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, and still manage to keep up with my studies. I tried to start last night, but I've been having problems with low blood sugar, at least I think that's what it is, because I start shaking. Last night when I got home, I was shaking and I ended up cooking dinner as soon as I walked in the door, and I usually don't eat until around 7:30. I also ended up eating some chips, because I just had to get something in my stomach while my food was cooking, and then after dinner I ate some ice cream. Not a total wreck of a day, but I just can't figure out why my breakfast, apple, and lunch aren't keeping the hunger and shakes at bay until I get home, when they used to do just fine. Today I might take my yogurt with me and eat it before I leave for home, and see if the little bit of protein helps. I usually don't take my yogurt with me because the blue ice doesn't keep it cold enough, but if I stick it in the mini fridge right when I get to work and then eat it right before I go home, it will be cold enough. I'll let y'all know how the week goes.

I Come Bearing Proof

It has come to my attention that some people might believe that being overweight is caused only by emotional eating and a lack of self control. The majority of people who believe this have never been overweight themselves. So, because of my post from last night and a conversation I had this morning, I decided to do some research. I found hundreds of articles about the discovery of several genes affecting obesity, the first being the FTO gene. The main factor the gene affects, it appears, is appetite control. Is that not exactly what I was talking about in my post last night? People who have 2 copies of this gene weigh on average 7 pounds more, and are 70% more likely to become obese.

There is also a variance in the INSIG2 gene that can cause a body to be "less able to inhibit the synthesis of fatty acid and cholesterol - in other words, these people tend to accumulate more fat in the body (they get fat more easily)." About 10% of the population have this gene variance.

There is also a brain chemical called BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor) which, when you are missing one of two genes for this chemical, causes your body to be unable to regulate your appetite. Only about 250 people in the U.S. have been found to have this condition, but scientists believe that abnormalities in the gene, which can cause similar symptoms, affect a larger portion of the population.

I wouldn't expect a person who has never been significantly overweight to understand or relate to what I posted, but I am not the only one who believes, and now I have science backing me up. And please don't misunderstand and think that I'm saying I have all of these conditions and that's why I have a weight problem. I am also not saying that these conditions are the only reason people become overweight; in fact I had another conversation after the first one today with a person who is overweight, despite the fact that her body does tell her when she is satisfied. We each have our own problems, we are all different. I am simply trying to prove that there is some science behind what I suggested last night. In all, I have read that science has identified over 600 genetic factors that have to do with weight, appetite, and obesity. Again, I am not making excuses, simply making an observation. Here are some articles I found on the subject:

http://www.foodnavigator-usa.com/Science-Nutrition/Obesity-gene-disrupts-appetite-signals

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FTO_gene

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/67666.php

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=9545915

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080311215639.htm

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/41672.php

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/weightloss/2008-08-27-appetite-gene_N.htm

I will also include these articles, which talk about overcoming the obesity gene with regular exercise, in order to show that I really am not making excuses, simply making an observation and backing it up with science. These articles talk about the finding that regular exercise can actually lower the impact this obesity gene can have on the body:

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/news/20080908/exercise-can-overcome-obesity-gene

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080909/hl_nm/obesity_gene_dc

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1548500/study_shows_exercise_combats_obesity_gene/

http://www.thatsfit.com/2008/09/10/amish-not-so-fat-despite-obesity-gene/

There are a lot more out there, I encourage you to do your own research.

Also, the person I had the conversation with suggested that if I am in fact right about there being something physically wrong that causes me not to know when to stop eating, I should go to the doctor to have it "fixed." There is no "fix" for this, because it is genetic. It is a messed up part of your DNA, and there is no "fix" for that. Just because science can detect an abnormality does not mean science knows how to correct it. If that were the case, there would be a cure for Alzheimer's and cancer and AIDS. Science is working to see if they can come up with a way to correct this genetic abnormality, but as of now, there is no fix.

Another thing I'd like to mention: No, I cannot tell when I'm satisfied. That's why I have to count calories. I tell myself "this is how many calories you get today, and once you've eaten all of those, you don't get anymore." I do not rely on my body to tell me when I'm satisfied, because it doesn't. That does not mean I have no self-control; I can control it just fine, by doing exactly that - counting calories. But sometimes I make the choice not to. Yes, sometimes I really can't control it, sometimes it really is just emotional eating or frenzied binge eating or compulsive overeating, but sometimes, I just make the choice. Sometimes the marginal benefit of going off plan for a day is higher than the marginal cost of staying on plan and seeing the scale go down (why yes, as a matter of fact, I am taking 2 economics classes right now). That does not mean I am out of control. It just means I made a choice that made sense at the time, even if it doesn't make sense later, or doesn't make sense to someone else. I'm not saying I never overeat for emotional reasons, I'm not saying sometimes I don't lose control, but I'm also not saying that it's always emotional, or that I'm out of control every time it happens. Sometimes I just like the taste. And those are the times when I notice that I cannot rely on my body to tell me when I've had enough. That is where I believe this gene comes into play.

I just wanted to make the distinction.

What's Wrong With My Head?

Tonight Scott and I were watching a show called "I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day" on TLC, and there was a segment where this guy's niece was trying to show him how much food he eats in a day, to shock him, so she put together all the food he eats in a day on a table and called him into the kitchen to see. He went into the kitchen, and instead of being shocked he said, "Oh this is way less than I used to eat." The guy was eating about 10,000 calories a day, and he said it was less than he used to eat. Then, the most shocking part, he sat down at the table and starting plowing his way through all that food. In one sitting. Scott was absolutely appalled, saying, "How can he just keep eating and eating and eating?" while I was sitting there, thinking to myself, "Yeah, I could do that."

Just tonight, Scott and I had pizza for dinner, we split one. Right after we were finished eating, I went to the pantry and got a bag of chips and some salsa, and Scott asked me, "How can you still be hungry? You just ate half a pizza!" And I said, "I'm not, I'm just not done eating." And when we started watching that TV show later in the night, it got me thinking. I may not weigh 700 pounds, but I do have something in common with the people on that show. I really do think that there is something wrong with our brains that makes it so we don't know when to stop eating. Yes, a lot of my weight problem comes from emotional eating, but I know there's more to it than that. If it was just emotional, I wouldn't sit in front of the TV and eat almost an entire bag of chips, just because it's there. Normal people just CAN'T do that! I could never see my mother doing that, she would stop way before I would. And even Scott says he would get sick of the flavor and stop long before I would.

Tonight I was having no emotional problems whatsoever, yet I still ate more than I really needed to. My brain just doesn't get the signal from my stomach that it's time to stop. The only reason I ever stop eating, when I get like that, is because there is literally no more room in my stomach and if I attempt to eat more, I will be sick. That is the only thing. And that has absolutely nothing to do with my emotions. It's like my stomach is screaming "STOP!" but my brain's just not getting the message. I really do think there's some connection not being made somewhere in my body. The synapses are firing in the wrong directions or something.

I'm not trying to make excuses for why I've had so much trouble in my life with my weight. But I do think there is something to that, because when I'm not keeping my eating habits in check, I don't eat like "normal" people. Even if I'm not "emotional eating." I do not have normal eating habits. That's why if I'm not consciously losing weight, I'm gaining it. I think science should do a little bit of research into the brain patterns of morbidly obese people, people with food addictions, and people with binge eating/compulsive eating disorder. It would be interesting to see what they find. I'd sign up for that study.

Weigh In Day... Blah.

So, I was right. Back in the 140's this week. 141, to be exact. Yup, I gained 4 pounds in one week. But I think if I can get myself back under control this week, I should be able to lose the majority of that, because it's probably mostly salt and water. Still sucks though. Moo.

11-25-07: 190
12-2-07: 185.5
12-9-07: 182
12-16-07: 180
12-23-07: 179.5
12-30-07: 178.5
1-6-08: 174
1-13-08: 176.5
1-20-08: 173.5
1-27-08: 176
2-3-08: 175
2-10-08: 172.5
2-17-08: 170
2-24-08: 169
3-2-08: 166
3-9-08: 164.5
3-16-08: 163
3-23-08: 162
3-30-08: 159.5
4-6-08: 158
4-13-08: 156.5
4-20-08: 156
4-27-08: 153.5
5-3-08: 154.5
5-10-08: 151
5-17-08: 150.5
5-24-08: 150
5-31-08: 148
6-7-08: 146
6-14-08: 144.5
6-21-08: 143
6-28-08: 141.5
7-4-08: 140
7-12-08: 140
7-19-08: 139
7-26-08: 139
8-2-08: 138.5
8-9-08: 139.5
8-16-08: 139
8-23-08: 141
8-30-08: 137.5
9-6-08: 136
9-13-08: 137
9-20-08: 141

Off the Wagon.

So, I think it's pretty safe to say this week is completely shot. I was doing absolutely perfectly yesterday, until I got stuck in traffic on my way home (one of the reasons I would move away from the west side if we could afford to move). It took me 40 minutes to get home, which wouldn't have been so bad had I not been starving and shaking - I guess my blood sugar was low. So I was so hungry by the time I got home that I just started eating chips, instead of waiting the 20 minutes it would take to cook my dinner. So I'll probably end up being back in the 140's this week. What is it about summer that I can never seem to get anywhere with my weight? At least I haven't gained back more than a few pounds, and I'm certainly not giving up. I do not want to get back to where I was, ever. It's just not an option. So I guess I'll just have to accept the week for what it is, get over it, and get back on the wagon ASAP. My graph for the last couple weeks has just been all over the place, and I'm ready for it to start going steadily down. But I think the important thing to remember, as my birth mother Carol keeps reminding, is that it's not how fast you lose the weight, it's how long you keep it off. And I think the fact that I've managed to keep off as much as I have for nearly a year now is quite an accomplishment, and I know I will get to goal, and I will keep the weight off. Things are just tough right now, but it'll get better.

Macroecon test and statistics test today. Wish me luck!

Quick Update

Hey guys, I don't know about this whole not counting thing. The scale is way up, it's like I just can't not eat too much if I'm not counting the calories. How do you guys do it? I think I need to go back to it for the rest of the week, and see if I can manage not to gain 5 pounds this week. It just sucks, I keep getting so close to my goal, I bought all these new pants, and it's like it just keeps slipping away from me. Ok, I keep letting it slip away from me. Once again, I hate my relationship with food. Why can't I just be normal? Normal people don't sit in front of the TV and eat an entire bag of chips. Most normal people probably wouldn't even have the desire to do that. But I could do it easy. It's disgusting.

I want to get back to the success I was having just a couple weeks ago. I want to be serious about this. I want to only have my 1 day a week off, and I want to make healthy choices on that day, and I want to feel good and healthy and skinny. Not the way I feel now. But why is it so hard to get back to that? Why do I let the temporary relief of food get to me, when I know I'm just going to feel worse afterwards? I'm going to get back to what I know, and I'm going to have more than 2 successful weeks in a row. I'm going to get to my goal, and maybe even pass it. That's what I want, and I'm going to get what I want.

I'm out of time now, have to go get ready. Today is my long day, when I leave the house at 10:00 am and don't get home until 8:30 pm. If you ever have the choice between taking 15 credit hours and 18... take the 15, trust me.

P.S. I submitted my application for business school 2 days ago, wish me luck!

So.

Here's where I am lately. I've been super busy with school, I have 3 tests this week, 2 next week, and 1 the week after that. Plus I am perpetually exhausted, this schedule is killing me. On the eating front: I'm thinking that I want to stop counting, and just start making healthy choices, all the time. I get obsessed with every little calorie, and I want it to stop. The problem is, if I'm not counting the calories or the points, I feel like I can have whatever. So I'm going to be experimenting for a while, to see if I can do it without counting every little bit. Maybe try a little bit of that intuitive eating thing. I'm not sure how the scale is going to look while I'm figuring things out, but hopefully it won't take long for everything to get evened out. I really do want to get this figured out, I want to learn how to be a healthy eater without relying on the numbers, on the calories. I want to be able to listen to my body's signals about what's good for it and what isn't. So that's what I've been up to. Wish me luck.

P.S. Did you guys watch the Biggest Loser tonight? I loved when Jillian said, "Somehow, I've become the nice guy. And that pisses me off." I love Jillian.

Treat Day Update

Hey guys. Went a little bit overboard yesterday but I still think I did ok. I forgot to take pictures, but I remember everything I had. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, as usual, and then we went to the movie and I had a junior popcorn with no butter. After the movie, we went to Mimi's Cafe, and I had the Fresh Roasted Turkey Club with fries,and about a third of a honey oat bran muffin. I ate half the sandwich there and took the other half home, and I ate all of the fries there. Then, I went to my parents' house and watched movies with my mom, and ate the rest of my sandwich before I went home. At home, I had a bag of cheddar Chex mix, a blackberry graham Kashi cereal bar, and a Pepsi. I didn't end up getting all 2 gallons of water in, but I got 1 and 3/4 gallons so not too bad, I think. I've got today planned out, but I'm kind of wavering between counting and not counting today. I know the scale will look better on Saturday if I do count today, but I just kind of feel this pull towards... I don't know, pizza and Cheetos. So, I don't know how today will go. If I do go off today, I won't feel bad, as long as I stay healthy during the week. 5 out of 7 days is better than nothing, right?

I think I found a new way to take my mind off of emotional eating: cleaning. I'll let y'all know how that goes.

Weigh In Day... Working On It.

Hey guys, no time for a video today, going to see "the Women" with my mom. Up a pound this week, better than I expected, will be back down again next week. Have a good one!

11-25-07: 190
12-2-07: 185.5
12-9-07: 182
12-16-07: 180
12-23-07: 179.5
12-30-07: 178.5
1-6-08: 174
1-13-08: 176.5
1-20-08: 173.5
1-27-08: 176
2-3-08: 175
2-10-08: 172.5
2-17-08: 170
2-24-08: 169
3-2-08: 166
3-9-08: 164.5
3-16-08: 163
3-23-08: 162
3-30-08: 159.5
4-6-08: 158
4-13-08: 156.5
4-20-08: 156
4-27-08: 153.5
5-3-08: 154.5
5-10-08: 151
5-17-08: 150.5
5-24-08: 150
5-31-08: 148
6-7-08: 146
6-14-08: 144.5
6-21-08: 143
6-28-08: 141.5
7-4-08: 140
7-12-08: 140
7-19-08: 139
7-26-08: 139
8-2-08: 138.5
8-9-08: 139.5
8-16-08: 139
8-23-08: 141
8-30-08: 137.5
9-6-08: 136
9-13-08: 137

Failure.

I feel completely awful about the past 3 days. I have not been one ounce on plan since, really, Friday, since I don't count calories on Saturdays anyway. I have been letting my emotions get the best of me, and that is an awful feeling. I feel like a total failure. And I was doing so well, too. I lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks! And now I'm probably going to end up putting 2 of those pounds back on. Which, yes, I know, is nothing compared to the progress I've made, but it just sucks to always be taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Yes, I'm back on plan, yes, I will be for the rest of the week, and isn't that my pattern lately? Screw up Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and then on Wednesday I get with the program, but it's always too late to save myself from a gain. I don't want to be doing this pattern forever.

I'm not even going to tell you guys some of the horrible thoughts I've had over the past 3 days.

And I know exactly why I've been doing this to myself, although it's not something I wish to blog about. I just wish I could figure out some way to make myself feel better without stuffing my face. Exercise just doesn't do it. Nothing does it, but food. Why can't I just hate food? Scott only eats when he absolutely has to. He couldn't care less about food. Why can't I be like that? Scott even gets annoyed when he's hungry, because he doesn't want to take the time out of whatever he's doing to eat. But me? I'm emotional, you put food in front of me, I'll eat it. I'm bored? I'll eat. I'm not hungry but it's dinner time? I'll eat. I'll eat, I'll eat, I'll eat. I hate it. I hate it. Am I always going to have this effed up relationship with food?

And when I am off plan, it's like I avoid healthy foods like the plague. It's a variance of the "all or nothing" mindset. Oh, I'm off plan today? Better eat nothing but crap then. God forbid I eat an apple when that bag of cheddar Chex mix looks so much more appetizing. Thinking of steaming some of that delicious zucchini? Nah, better save it until you're back on plan. It's ok to eat good foods even when you're having a bad day! I know it logically, but the knowledge just doesn't apply when the bad day is actually happening. I'm back on this thing, for now, and I'll do good as long as I can, but who knows when the next shitstorm is going to happen, and I'm going to crash again. I don't know.

I hate this pattern.

I May Hate Myself In the Morning...

Hey guys, guess what I did yesterday? I stuffed my emotions back with food! Yeah, I suck. The rest of the week will be better, but I hate myself a little bit for letting everything get the better of me. I feel awful.

I also got to bed really late last night, and I'm exhausted as a result. Time to go get ready. Here's to a better day.

P.S. I sent BlogHerAds an email asking them why my blogs are never in the headlines, and I got an email back saying my template must be broken because my ads are at the bottom of the page. But I see them at the top, and it doesn't matter what computer I use, the ads are always at the top. Does anyone else see them at the bottom?

Treat Day Update

Well, I think I went a little overboard this weekend. We didn't go to the fair, and I had a good time hanging out with my family, but it was when I got home and was home by myself that I started getting a little out of control.

I had my normal bowl of cereal for breakfast:


Then for dinner, we went to the Range Cafe, and I had the fajita steak sandwich, which was really good. I only ate half at the restaurant, and then I had the other half later on in the night:


Then my mom and I split the brownie sundae. It was sooooo good:


And if it had all ended there, it would have been a pretty successful day. But when I got home, I fixed myself a plate of cheese and mini saltine crackers. I split a Kraft single into 16 little squares and put them on top of 16 little crackers. I had two plates of these (only took a picture of one), and then I snacked on just some plain crackers for a while (mindlessly, and straight out of the box, so I have no idea how many I ate), and then, right before I went to bed, I had this Nilla Cakester, because it's been in the house tormenting me for weeks and I knew Scott wasn't going to eat it, and I can't bear to throw away food unless it's past its expiration date or obviously spoiled:


So, yeah. Overboard. I'm sure that doesn't seem like a lot of food to you guys, but the thing is that I really wasn't hungry when I got home. And I sat on the couch for awhile, debating with myself about the cheese and crackers before I actually made them. I knew I didn't need them, but I ate them anyway. And yeah, I guess it's ok for that to happen sometimes, but it happened yesterday because I was lonely, and for some other reasons, reasons that I shouldn't be stuffing back with food. And yes, today I am beating myself up over it. But today is a new day, I'm going to do my regular Sunday thing today, I have the rest of my week all planned out, and I will have another successful week. Cheers.

Weigh In Day... I'm Back!

Woohoo! Down a pound and a half this week!

11-25-07: 190
12-2-07: 185.5
12-9-07: 182
12-16-07: 180
12-23-07: 179.5
12-30-07: 178.5
1-6-08: 174
1-13-08: 176.5
1-20-08: 173.5
1-27-08: 176
2-3-08: 175
2-10-08: 172.5
2-17-08: 170
2-24-08: 169
3-2-08: 166
3-9-08: 164.5
3-16-08: 163
3-23-08: 162
3-30-08: 159.5
4-6-08: 158
4-13-08: 156.5
4-20-08: 156
4-27-08: 153.5
5-3-08: 154.5
5-10-08: 151
5-17-08: 150.5
5-24-08: 150
5-31-08: 148
6-7-08: 146
6-14-08: 144.5
6-21-08: 143
6-28-08: 141.5
7-4-08: 140
7-12-08: 140
7-19-08: 139
7-26-08: 139
8-2-08: 138.5
8-9-08: 139.5
8-16-08: 139
8-23-08: 141
8-30-08: 137.5
9-6-08: 136

Clean Eating

Shanti has been talking lately about eliminating all processed foods from her diet, and it made me wonder just how many processed foods I eat. So I looked through my pantry this morning, and I realized that (this week at least), the only processed things I eat in a day are my egg muffins, because I'm pretty sure Egg Beaters are processed (I don't have the carton to look at to make sure), and my Yoplait Light. So I'm really not doing too bad, and I didn't even realize it!

I'm totally slammed with school, and that's all I have time for.

TGIT!

I don't think we're going to take that apartment I talked about yesterday after all. We're planning on staying in the next place we live until I graduate, and if we're going to stay somewhere for 3 years, we want to have a yard. So I'm just going to keep looking until I find something that will work for us, and we're also going to go through all of our stuff and get rid of the things we don't need, because we have a lot of crap that takes up space, and if we can get rid of some things we won't need as much space. The thing I hate is that I can't really start looking until next month, because if I find something now, they won't hold it for us until November 1, and I hate not knowing what's going to happen. I know that everybody has 30 days to find a new place, just like we do, but that just feels too short to me, because what if we give our 30 days notice, and then by the end of October we don't find anything? Then we have nowhere to live. It just stresses me out because I like to have everything planned out. Oh well, I guess we'll figure it out.

Food has been good this week, so far. Everything on that front is pretty stable right now, so I can't really complain. I'm not sure when I'll be able to start exercising again though. And, even when I do, I won't be able to on Wednesdays since I don't get home until 8:20 (yet another reason why I hate living on this side of town) and I have to eat dinner and then pretty much go to bed right away because I have to get up at 6:30 on Thursdays. I don't know what I'm going to do. It would be better if we were back on the east side, because I wouldn't have to get up quite so early. I guess I'll figure that out too.

I think that's about all the rambling I can come up with today. I'll catch up with y'all later.

Get In Shape!

Wow. So, one of the things I've learned is that school would be a lot harder if I wasn't in shape. Like, if I had started last fall as opposed to this fall, and I was as heavy as I was then, this would be way harder. Yesterday, my 9:30 am class got cancelled, so I walked to the bookstore on the other side of campus to get a planner. If I was as heavy and as out of shape as I had been a year ago, there's no way I would have made it. It's hot and sticky, my backpack is heavy, and I just wouldn't have made it. I'm so glad that I can walk across campus and back now, without feeling like I'm going to die and having to stop for a rest halfway in between.

In 7 weeks and 3 days, I don't have to live 20 miles away from my life anymore! Several weeks ago, Scott and I got on a waiting list for a new apartment, because we (i.e. I) hate the west side. Well, the manager called me yesterday to let me know they just got notice that a townhouse is going to be available October 10, and they could hold it for us to move in on October 25 (our lease is up October 31, so I want to stay in the house as long as possible), so Scott and I went and looked at it yesterday, and we really liked it. The only thing is that it doesn't have a yard, so it'll back to taking Tina out every morning and night. But I really don't think that'll be that big a deal. This is the floor plan we're getting:



Cute, huh? When we got on the waiting list, I turned in an application but they weren't going to run it until something came up, so yesterday I told her to go ahead and run it, and it'll be 1 to 3 business days before we find out if we got it. I'm sure we will, though, because my parents are cosigning. I'm just so excited to move back to that side of town! It's 6.6 miles from school, 1.2 miles from work, and 2.3 miles from my parents' house! It's actually a little bit farther from Scott's work, because he works in Bernalillo, but because the freeway is right there, it's actually only 2 miles farther, so all in all, we'll still be saving gas.

So, still no exercise. I was telling Carol (my birth mother) last night that my legs don't hurt too bad now, but they still throb a bit, so I'm afraid if I try to put any more strain on them, they'll start hurting again. So I'm going to wait until all signs of pain are gone. She said that sounded like a good idea.

Anyway guys, have to run and finish laundry and get ready for school! Laters!

So Begins Week 2

Back to school today. I have to admit I had a nice holiday weekend though! I hope you all did too! Mine was pretty uneventful, I did a lot of relaxing and movie watching, and not too much eating. I also didn't do too much exercising, but my legs are still hurting just enough to make me a little weary of trying anything yet. I think I'll just play it by ear this week.

My mom took me to Macy's yesterday to get some new jeans, and I now have 4 pairs of 8's (I had 2 before, and now I have 2 more. I might even have another pair in the guest room, I'll have to check). It's so nice to have pants that actually fit, that I'm not constanty having to hike up. I'm sure I probably look skinnier in them too, because baggy clothes just make you look bigger.

I predict that this week will be just as good, food-wise, as last week. I'm having lemon butter chicken (4 oz. raw), with brown rice (the kind that come in little cups, ready to heat) and half a cup of whole green beans (the kind you steam in the microwave). I love brown rice! It's so delicious! This is one of my favorite meals, and I always look forward to dinner time when I'm making this.

Ok, guys, off to learn about financial accounting and microeconomics, I'll catch up on your blogs later! Oh, and the thing with Bernie is tonight, but I don't think I'm going to go. I don't want to drive all the way back down to campus after work, because I'll end up getting too hungry. If I change my mind later, I'll let y'all know!

August Recap

Can you believe we're already into the 9th month of the year? I can't. The years just go by faster and faster the older you get.

The Good
-I lost 1.5 pounds
-I got into a size 8
-I started running
-I started exercising outside
-I found out I can walk a whole heck of a lot faster than I thought I could
-I got my focus back (!)
-I created a new dish (well, new to me)
-I was myself, with no apologies
-I pondered healthyness
-I traded "Cheat Day" for "Treat Day"
-I got back on track in the middle of a week instead of waiting for Sunday
-I found the healthy me again
-I finished summer school with a 4.0 GPA for the semester
-I started the fall semester ready to go
-Michael Phelps dominated the Olympics
-Barack Obama officially accepted his party's nomination
-Roni answered my question about blogging (!)
-My sister found out she's have a boy (!)
-Jewel and Ty Murray got married

The Bad
-I got shin splints and had to take a week off from walking/running
-I lost my focus for a few weeks
-I started having anxiety attacks again
-I got rejected by all (2) of the literary agents I sent inquiries to
-I failed a basic computer exam
-I got lost on campus (twice) like a freshman

The Ugly
-I took too many painkillers and my intestines hated me
-I'm taking 18 hours this semester

So, there you have it. I love that I can find so many more good things than bad or ugly things.

Goals for September: Be able to exercise again, and keep up with my classes. Oh, and lose 4-5 pounds. I read somewhere that people who set higher, more unrealistic goals are more likely to go farther than people who stay realistic in their goal setting, even if they don't completely reach the goal.