Kirstie Alley was on Oprah today, talking about how she "fell off the wagon." She says the biggest thing to her about gaining the weight back is that she had so many people who she inspired, and she let them down. That feeling, right there? Is why I hate praise. Because you can't help but think, yeah I look great now, but just wait till I gain it all back again. At least that's what I think when people give me praise, because I always do gain it back again. When will that end? I know what Roni would say. She would say it stops when you love yourself no matter what size you are. But how does that happen? I don't know.
Then Kirstie talked about how she's irresponsible, careless and unaccountable with food, and you know what? So am I. Like I talked about in my last post, I am impulsive. See that BBQ pizza over there? It has 1,000 calories and all kinds of processed crap that my body doesn't need? So what, it's going to taste good. Give it. But Laura, what about those delicious left over roasted vegetables in the fridge, they taste great too and they're going to go bad if you don't eat them. So? Give me the pizza. I'll think about it tomorrow.
Kirstie says she's sorry to the people she let down, and I don't think she should be. It's not HER responsibility to keep people motivated, and people make mistakes! We all do! Look at me! How many pounds have I lost and gained and lost and gained again? Even the people she inspired might screw up and fall off the wagon too, and you know what? If she inspired them then, then she'll probably inspire them now, by crawling out from under her rock and talking about it, and talking about what she's doing now to try to get healthy again.
I know I'm no celebrity and I haven't influenced nearly as many people as Kirstie Alley did when she lost 75 pounds, but I know from the comments I was getting that I did inspire some people. And for the past couple months, since my progress has stalled and I've started gaining the weight back, I've gotten less and less comments which tells me people just don't have anything to say to me. So I can't help but feel like Kirstie does, on a smaller scale, like I've let down the people I inspired.
That's all I wanted to say. Now please excuse me, I did a treatment on the nebulizer and I'm trying to get rid of the shakes.
4 comments:
Hey Laura,
I'm in the same position as you... hence my lack of commenting on your blog :(
I'm speaking for myself: you haven't let me down. You've shown me that you are normal and you do the best you can with the situation you are faced with... and you pick yourself up and start all over again... looking for the "winning formula" for you.
It's refreshing to read about actually... because I see my struggles in a lot of what you write... I'm just too chicken to blog about it on my site...
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new month. My work buddy asked me to sign up on a "get active" challenge at work. The challenge runs throughout the entire month. Basically you get points for the number of minutes you exercise and there are prizes to be won...
I guess signing up for the challenge is my way of keeping my mind focus on working out every day... I'd be letting myself down if I don't give my 100% in the challenge.
For me, on the food front, well, I'm still trying to figure out my winning formula... I'm reading as much as I can on the subject and listening to Jillian Michaels' weekly podcasts...
I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself slack off and put weight back on AFTER I promised myself I would "never go back"...
Just know that you are not alone in this struggle.
Still around and lurking... so keep blogging OK?! and I promise to keeping commenting :-)
It's frustrating. I lost 70lbs last year. Here it is on the eve of May and I haven't added to that number. I haven't gained but then again I haven't lost anymore. I am trying to be an inspiration for one. My daughter. I feel like I have let her down this year. It's tough but stick with it!
I hope you are feeling better now with the nebulizer treatment.
Hello! I've never commented before, but I check in on your blog quite often. Reading your blog is like reading my own thoughts sometimes! I also struggle with compulsive eating and wanting to have a healthy relationship with food. I've lost and gained and lost and gained... (but mostly gained) the past 15yrs!
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am inspired by your courage and by your diligence! Don't give up on yourself! :)
Have a great day!
Thanks for letting me know I still inspire you, It's Me! I really appreciate knowing you're out there!
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